


Broken by Design

by Dawnsbby (Asunerz)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Poetic, uhhhh my thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:15:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21588217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asunerz/pseuds/Dawnsbby
Summary: he feels like he’s falling.helpless and hopeless.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 29





	Broken by Design

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhhh so this is like something i’ve written a while ago but never finished, but i love the idea a lot so i just decided to post it! tell me if you want me to try to finish??? but enjoy!!!

disgusting.

ungodly.

the way those feelings are described makes it seem horrible. that it will break you and create you into some monster.

yet, that’s not how donghyuck feels. his skin didn’t feel disgusting. his lips didn’t feel monstrous.

how can something that makes him so incredibly happy be sinful? something that makes him feel alive and loved and appreciated be wrong?

is he really a monster?

for feeling? for loving someone?

growing up in church was something mark loved. the way he could find hope and strength in god was such a special thing for him, but lately he feels as if everything is falling down around him.

if what they say is really that bad than something must be wrong.

because donghyuck is different. he doesn’t seem like a monster?

he makes mark second guess everything he thought was right.

donghyuck is everything mark could ever wish for and more.

but to his parents, mark feel in love with a sin.

but goddamit if donghyuck is a sin than mark doesn’t care if he goes to hell, cause if hell has donghyuck than it can’t be as bad as they say.

donghyuck is soft and kind. he fills him with so much joy and love that he feels like he’s just going to burst.

he wishes he could express it. to show everyone how beautiful it is. how he isn’t a monster like they say.

how they want to cure him and save him from eternal damnation. how it’s wrong to love him. to kiss him.

“mark.” donghyuck whispers, “we shouldn’t.”

maybe he’s right. maybe they shouldn’t. but mark wants to. “why not?”

“you’re parents.”

“i don’t care about them.” mark replies harshly.

donghyuck sighs and looks at him in the eyes.

“you do care mark. and that’s fine.” donghyuck puts his hands around mark’s face, “i don’t want you to do anything you would regret.”

mark stares into donghyuck’s eyes. they’re pure, he’s sure of it. his eyes are filled with endless amounts of stares and love and mark could stare into them all day. he could stare at donghyuck all day. counting each and every mole, tracing his finger down his skin, looking at his tattoos and piercings.

but he’s scared.

so so scared.

how can it feel so normal? he thought falling in love would have this huge affect on him. that it would change every ounce of his being.

yet, he just feels more at peace. more comfortable in his skin.

maybe this is love.

maybe.

a whisper falls off marks tongue.

“i think i love you.”

five words with a infinite amount of meaning.

“mark.”

barely a audible.

“please.” donghyuck mumbles against mark’s skin.

“i wish it was easy.” mark let’s out a shaky laugh.

if it was just that easy.

except, loving donghyuck is easy.

how could you not love him? when he’s the exact definition of perfection and shines as bright as the sun. it’s hard to look away.

when he melts into your touch and stares with his puppy dog eyes and messy hair.

when he’s sleeping and you can silently look at him and examine his features. the way his skin looks like it’s made from constellations.

it’s scary how easy it was to fall in love with donghyuck.

“i think i love you too, mark” donghyuck whispers back.

“how could i not?”

mark is everything donghyuck would ever dream of. he’s warm and nice and makes him feel safe. whenever a he’s around nothing can harm him.

the way he feels in his arms and around his neck. the warmth of his skin against donghyucks own. his heavy breathing and soft voice.

the way he smiles when he finds something cute. when he ruffles donghyucks hair and pouts at him.

donghyuck’s favorite memory is when mark first kissed him.

they were sitting on the couch watching a horror movie. mark, surprising, can’t stand them. it was the nun (in donghyuck’s humble opinion “it was shit.”) but nonetheless made mark burying his head into donghyuck’s shoulder.

he looks up at donghyuck and just stares. at this point it’s obvious that he’s staring and it feels like mark is boring holes into his jaw.

“take a picture it’ll last longer.” donghyuck jokingly said to relieve tension.

“you’re so pretty.” mark blurted out, donghyuck’s face turned bright red and he started coughing.

“what?” donghyuck looked at mark like he’s crazy.

“no i mean it. you’re just, i can’t explain it. you’re just really pretty.”

mark leaned in at quickly flashed his eyes down to donghyuck’s lips.

“mark–“

“can i?” he asks quietly.

unhesitatingly donghyuck replies, “yes.”

it makes donghyuck laugh and his heart swell just remembering that moment. he misses the innocence of it all. how fragile everything was in that moment. how a single off beat breath could’ve broke everything.

“mark.” donghyuck begins.

“i’m glad i met you.”

“me too.” mark replies breathlessly

he feels like he’s falling.

helpless and hopeless.

“i’m scared.”

“me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> so uhhhh,,, yeah. tell me if you like it and want more added or something else! follow me on tweet @fullsunchip


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